At this time my son is visiting. I think we both had idealized the reunion and it hasn't been what either of us expected. I carry so much guilt for many things. I was not the mother I wanted to be or that he deserved. I still can't be that person. We've had horrible arguements during his visit. The first 2 nights I slept with my cell phone, afraid.

I've seen T 3 times during the visit and I think part of this is about my thinking she didn't seem concerned when I said I was afraid he might harm me,

I also suspect that my visitor is disrupting my routine (routine is important for me) and is taking from my 'thinking' time, time I like to reflect or read or write.

I am just disconnected all over the place.