Thank you Marjan for your reply. I always feel so crazy when this happens and it's so draining. I know it's totally irrational of me too and I don't really know how to deal with it, but I know you're right, it's just trying to remember those things while something like this is happening feels like next to impossible. It's nice that someone can relate, but I am sorry for you that you went through it and still are to a degree. I'm also really glad it's gotten better for you

Shelbeth lol nope truthfully I never thought of that. I think that would just completely go against what I think of myself. I honstly don't know why anyone would waste their time on me in any way, and I'm convinced that sooner or later everyone will see me for who I am and erase me from their lives. Again, I guess from a detached point of view this is highly irrational, but it's how I feel. I will really try to keep what you said here in mind though.

Thank you both so much for taking the time to read this and reply, it's greatly appreciated