Hey Raceka! 
I don't have much to say, Pomegranate's answer was really great and was said perfectly. I think a lot of people, especially women, are filled with rage that just bubbles to the surface occasionally. I find myself apologizing to friends sometimes for acting "snippy" with them, only to find out that my so-called outbursts were all in my head; I was pleasant with them in reality. 
You mentioned the anger/guilt feelings toward your mother. It's horrible, isn't it? I have the same conflicting emotions about my mom -- it never stops. If you ever want to PM me and talk those feelings out then you just go ahead - maybe we could help each other. 
__________________
" I don't wanna be the girl that has to fill the silence. The quiet scares me 'cause it screams the truth. Please don't tell me that we had that conversation, 'Cause I won't remember, save your breath 'cause what's the use?
Aahh, the night is calling, and it whispers to me softly, "Come and play". Aahh, I am falling, and if I let myself go I'm the only one to blame.
I'm safe, up high, nothing can touch me, but why do I feel this party's over? No pain, inside, you're like perfection, but how do I feel this good sober?" (From the song "Sober", by Pink)
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