Hi Mixedupemotions,

It sounds like you're pretty triggered and having difficulty keeping yourself level. I would definitely encourage you NOT to force yourself into disclosing anything else about your SA at this time. It was very brave of you to share what you could. The rest will come when you are ready.

As the others have said, I think it's fine that you are listening to t's messages to maintain a sense of safety and connection. It's understandable that you're having some fear about seeing him after telling him about the abuse. The truly unfortunate thing about SA is that, so often, those of us who were abused experience great shame about it. It makes it doubly painful to deal with. I'm sorry for what you went through then and how it affects you now.

Regarding the messages from your husband's ex . . . it might be fruitful at some point to identify why you felt so compelled to hear them over and over again. How did you feel before listening to them? After listening to them? Did it benefit you in some way? Or was it self destructive? You may learn alot by examining this with your t. But be careful not to delve into too many things too deeply at once. It sounds like you have more than enough going on right now!