(((Peaches)))
I've responded before...so just a few follow-up thoughts for you.
I *think* that T's are trained to be extra careful with touch for people who have SA in their past. This does not mean they won't hold your hand or give you a hug, but you are going to have to ask for it or talk about it a lot first. This does NOT mean you are unlovable.
It can be really hard to logically ask for a hug when you are in the middle of emotional flooding. Perhaps you can talk to T and come up with a way you can ask for her hand without using words. Like, reach your hand out..and she would then know it is ok to take it.
Quote:
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T ended the session last week by encouraging me to take a risk and ask for a hug next time I need one. But I don't think I can. I feel like by now, I've made too big of an issue about it, and that if t had really wanted to comfort me, she would have done it. For her to hug me now feels like I am "making" her do it against her will, but like she doesn't really want to do it. I wouldn't find any comfort in that at all. I feel frustrated and like I should just drop the subject of physical comfort entirely. But it really feels inside like I need it to heal.
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Ask for it! Your T is there with you every week because she cares, and you will not be 'making' her do anything she does not want to do. She is responsible for her own choices...don't take that on yourself.
Take a risk, ask for a hand, if a hug is too much.
I understand that you might want T to just 'know' you are wanting a hug, but part of the healing process is learning to ask for what we need. I know it is frustrating, and scary, but ask however you can. YOU are good enough, YOU are worthwhile, YOU deserve to be comforted. Give that gift to yourself by asking T for what you need.
