...how do you figure out what you want from T?

I have been with T for 2 years but I don't really know what I want in a way that I could say "This is what I want: "

I just feel really stupid right now. I am angry with T, dissatisfied. This is a familiar thing for me, to be dissatisfied, angry, negative.. but it's like a diversion itself. I know what I don't want but I don't know what I want.
duh, huh?