I don't think it's stupid at all. I probably couldn't answer "What do I want from my T?" or "What do I want from therapy?" very completely either. I don't feel like I have to, because I do feel like it's important, challenging, and helping me grow, even if I can't yet define it exactly.

But I agree, trying to answer those questions can be growth-promoting, too. When I've felt frustrated with my T before, sometimes I do then ask, what do I really want from her anyway?, because the feelings seem so strong and out of context.

And that is important to work because it suggests the needs are coming from me, and are not entirely about the present relationship. Where did they come from? Why am I feeling them now? For me, recently, this has been helpful to do. Last time I was in that angry, defensive, you're not there for me mood, she kind of called me on it. And as terrible as it felt, the end result is that I realized the feelings were coming from me, from a long time ago, and were not really about her specifically. I realized she is just a regular person, who tries really hard to help me, but that she is never going to be able to meet all of those needs. It's sad that they weren't met, and I wish they had been, but I don't know, it's been almost freeing and it's made me less demanding of her and more appreciative of what she is. She tries really hard and has done tons of considerate things for me, and so right now, I feel OK about all of that. I don't know.

Sorry if this is rambling and not helpful...I'm sort of working through all of these thoughts myself. I just wanted to say that I've felt really frustrated wtih my T before, and not been able to understand what I was really looking for from her either. It is hard and I'm sorry that you're feeling that right now.