When all the ugly is out, it's very very very very hard to begin to make something nice and pretty out of our lives moving forward. We have become so accustomed to yuck and ugly that we don't know what beautiful is, and how to accept being loved. T keeps asking me if I'm sure it's not "too much good." I know what he means and it sounds like that's what you are saying. Our brains have become wired to endure pain, not accept love.

Just take baby steps now. I think it takes a long time for the brain rewiring to take effect. But if we keep moving forward a teeny bit at a time, we can heal those wounded parts of ourselves. It is going to take a lot of patience, though! It sounds like you need something else to help. Can you take a yoga class or something? Then your body can help internalize the good feelings.