Peaches, it makes sense to me that your experience with your former friend is triggering the reaction to your feelings about hugging your T. Like you said, there is someone who wants to hug you, but you aren't sure you want her to, and then there is your T from whom you want a hug, but she is not making the overtures. I would find this frustrating!

I agree that your relationship with that person was not totally healthy if it was a mother/daughter kind of thing. Because you would have liked that kind of relationship with your own mother, it probably involves some transference, and was not a reciprocal relationship. I think you need to be in friendships that are reciprocal, with someone more your equal. Do you think so?

I know you hold onto old hurts but I think that part of it can sometimes be let go of. If you forgive her, you could have that relationship again. But I don't think it would be good for you. I can see why it's so confusing to you. Can you tell your T about seeing this woman and ask what she thinks again?

I know you can work this out, but I do think you deserve better than being in another dependent, needy relationship. I understand the longings for it, though.