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Old Apr 27, 2009, 09:02 PM
Anonymous29412
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What you said about "too much good" kind of makes sense, Miss C....

Everyone's words gave me a lot to think about.

T left me a LONG LONG message - I will have to listen to it again - but I think he was saying we need to work again on containment. It's like ALL of these years I've had all of these different events tucked away in different parts of my brain...I never had to look at all of them together at once, ever. And now all of these gaps are getting filled in and it is really too much for me to handle. So there's that.

And honestly, it's embarrassing to deal with all of the dissociative stuff. I've never told anyone before T how unbelievably loud it is in my head. And I lose so much of my sessions. I hate that grown up me disappears and stupid 4 year old me is probably sitting there telling T god-knows-what. Ugh.

And T's love IS too much. It's just too much. There is a part of me that hates his love. I know that little me just soaks it up, and really me, grown up Treehouse me, thinks it feels nice usually...but part of me just wants nothing more than to start running and never ever EVER stop.

I left a message for T canceling my Thursday appointment and he left me that long message back and ended with "so, I'll see you Thursday". ?!?!? So, what am I supposed to do? I called back and said "I really don't know if I'm COMING on Thursday". Ugh.

I just hate therapy sometimes. I really, truly, truly do.