Its not extreme, but it scares me. With working now, I and others are thinking about maybe I will actually be able to get a place to live soon. I would love to! But it scares me, too, because I had gotten into some habits before when I had a place to live. My lack of eating habits go back farther, but since last February is when the rest really kicked in. I experimented a few times with caffeine tablets before that, though. But last February is where it really started. I got more involved with other ways to lose weight. Of course, it also made a great (but bad) coping mechanism for times of stress. I was good at the bulimic thing and it was a no-hands effort, like a natural skill. That was off an on in phases, but no more than two weeks ever past between February and June without me doing something. Not just that, but I got even more involved in taking over-the-counter pills, too. I "enjoyed" taking them. Even though they screwed up my health. Sometimes I'd have what I am sure was kidney pain in the sides of my back. There was even a time or two when my kidneys pretty much almost stopped functioning for a few days. Other times, they would work in overdrive and I'd be peeing all the time and lots of it.

I'm scared of all that happening again. I still do it once in a while, but with my current living situation, its nothing like I *WANT* it to be. I am so tempted!!!!! It's hard not to take those sweet little pills that I have waiting for me, and available for me to take. I look at them, I hold them. I think. I want to so bad. I want to do it again. I hinted to the pdoc, but it was the end of the 10 minutes so she wasn't really interested. I have done very well with everything since October last year when I really started trying to be better. I had a bad couple weeks here and there, but got over it. I only have Lexapro 20mg right now, plus allergy and an arthritis med. Sometimes I wonder if I am on enough psych meds. I'm new at this. I don't think my pdoc really knows or understands about my eating habits either. My T does. He knows me very well. I saw him last night. It's going to be a long two weeks until my next appointment.