i called and left a message and told pdoc he didn't need to call back. just talking to his machine was enough. but he called me back while he was driving home anyway, which was lovely.

he understood my reluctance to tell him what's going on, but cottoned on immediately that it was a ptsd-thingy. he told me it was just bad timing, this didn't mean i was going to fall into depression again - this was something outside of me that was happening, so we could deal with it and be ok. that was reassuring.

he also said i could take some meds if it was getting stuck too much in a loop for me to cope with. so i might do that tonight - just to avoid all the late night thinking and early morning waking dreams . if i take a half tablet, it'll be out of my system by day time, and i can function properly again.

he said he's got me, he's with me, and that he's thinking about me and will say a prayer for me tonight. he said i could meet with him tomorrow if i wanted, but i said friday is ok. so he said he will keep me until then. i feel safe.

incidentally - one of the guys just called before pdoc, to ask me out again. it felt ok talking to him and it felt ok saying yes. he just suggested coffee, and in a place that i like, so it will be familiar and i will feel like i'm in control - it's on my turf . and we're just meeting mid-afternoon, so i don't have to stay out with him or anything, and i can be home by dinner. so this might be ok. but i see pdoc before then, and that will be good, because pdoc will protect me .