Splitimage,

I'm sorry to hear about your friend. I think you are right that she wouldn't want you to cut or drink because of her death.

I like to think of grief as a natural process that one can embrace just as easily as one can close off from. Getting sober has taught me much about choices in my life.

Standing tall, ready to accept whatever gift your friend may have bestowed to you during this period requires using the courage that being in the here and now gives you. JMO.

Good luck with the challenge.