Hi Minime,

Not Pathetic Minime, feared is more like it.

I showed some of my art work thats along these lines I did in class (that later I saw could be connected to abuse) to someone . I've only showed my work to this individual and a few on another board but not al my work as I did with this person. What I got from this person was it was unsettling. not plesant and they drew away from me and got scared of me. They have treated me like a mental patient ever since. someone to be helped , watched pitied , fixed ,

It took me a while to see this was what was happening . I was in denial . The truth was to paiful even though it was right befor my eyes. others had contact but not me . they had to .."learn to like me" yet they didn't even "know me"

So when I read that your T's said others would be mad and sad It confused me at first read,

But I get that. people who are aware will get Irate that this sort of thing has happened to others, just as one shoud get irate that others are trumped up to be feared . it just breeds "no where to go ." "hide at all costs.".

Intresting how Apathy breeds apathy . If one hides abuse under a rug the sufferer no longer cares about themselves or all the attrocities happening else where .

Course hurricanes and other natural disaters are so much more devestating than having ones self ripped apart by another .

Ones more apparant than the other . I don't see presidents sending relif aid to those with CPSTD Or DID or others.


I think "some" just see an artist as disturbed and to be feared. This stuff is doturbing . but lets get rid of the breeding of fear .

I have one drawing that depicts the stiffling terror of sexual abuse And I thought about doing the very same thing. Doing a show about abuse with poetry . adding on to it.

If I did . I would never disclose my name .

I was just thinking about the release of anger. Many times therapists have said . bring everything into a session. try to feel the feeligs here.

So when I let a little out . which I did in therapy this week . I got from my therapist this

"well people respond defensively to anger." Even expressed anger about a perp to others.

They don't beieve the angry person they just look at the anger expressed and assume it has to be the one who is appearing "out of control by expressig it" as the" crazey one."



And they do . it comes back onto you. So you have to learn to answer

and express qietly and softly with pinky held up at tea time while your doin whats needed and required. .

But even THEN . your looked at as .. a hazard waiting to happen by some if they have a label they hang thier "hat" on......

"abused once again " .

And they don't want to be around you and are afraid.

has me coming and going. .... refect on that one.....

And its effecting my ability to be accepting of my fellow sufferers.

I've always felt my deep pain and anger alone. alone is where it needs to stay.

seems real crazey the mixed messages around expressing trauma . One needs to express in order to heal . yet you need to control it..

.
this brings up alot of issues of what survivors have been doing suffering and stuffing in silence yet silence is what everyone wants .

I've always admired your postings here .

Do you feel comfortable taking pics of your work and copies of your poems and putting them on here?

I don't because of what I have experienced. Not intrested in having a reapeate . Not to have my work used against me. a badge to say Im to be feared , im gonna be a problem, a work of art in it self .

Your very brave to do a show like that.

I hope you don't mind me typing out a bit of my frustration about this ..

quagmire surounding healing from abuse . and those treating me like Im to be feared and not trusted.
I've been wounded to the core .by who was supossed to be a "friend"
who just can't see this..........

Patricia