I understand a lot of your feelings, so just know that you're not alone. 
I have always had trouble with my feelings. Sometimes I cry a lot, other times I can't cry -- sometimes I just feel dead inside. The problem with mental health disorders is that you can't just switch off what's going on in your head, you still have to deal with life. I have learned to cry when I can, because I never know when I'll be able to do so again. When I'm at work and feeling like I'm going to have a meltdown, I go to the bathroom and let it loose. A couple times a day if it's necessary, no one ever catches on and it really boosts me up for a while. You could try it at home too, especially if you have a bathroom with a lock (to keep the kids out). I think it's always better to let your feelings out instead of repressing them. I hope this helps you and at least let's you know others feel that way too. 
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" I don't wanna be the girl that has to fill the silence. The quiet scares me 'cause it screams the truth. Please don't tell me that we had that conversation, 'Cause I won't remember, save your breath 'cause what's the use?
Aahh, the night is calling, and it whispers to me softly, "Come and play". Aahh, I am falling, and if I let myself go I'm the only one to blame.
I'm safe, up high, nothing can touch me, but why do I feel this party's over? No pain, inside, you're like perfection, but how do I feel this good sober?" (From the song "Sober", by Pink)
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