I understand completely what you are going through.. I am also going through the same thing except mine is a women... not a man.. anyway.. I dont know what advice to give you.. but what is working for me is thinking all the mean or crapy things she did to me.. to hurt me.. If I focus on the tender moments I go crazy and fall apart and cry my eyes out and want to die... so I have to keep focusing on all the bad stuff and it seems to help... but I dont know how long the pain lasts.. but I know it sucks so flipping bad... I hear you sister.. but we dont know what tomorrow will bring and life is full of possibilities even though it doesnt feel like it... I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her.. I gave up 9 years of my life for her and it was mostly heartach and pain... I know the thought of being in love and romantic with another person right now is a terrible horrible thought.. so focus on you.. all the things you ever wanted to do.. and write all the things you didnt like about them... I dont know.. but I know how much it hurts and I know how it consumes every thought you have.. It takes all i have to not text her.. or call her... I know but everyone else says with time it will get better... I guess thats all we have to go on.... cause what else can we do... I am sorry your hurting... I wish I wasnt hurting either... stay strong.. maybe write get it all out... Idont know.. you deserve better... so do I ... doesnt make it any easier...