As more time passes since that last couples sessions, it seems even more significant to me. I think having that "same old" communication pattern with H short-circuited by T was extremely powerful. I felt something lurch inside of me and come home to rest. "This feels so right," my body seemed to be saying. I can still feel that feeling from that moment when T made my H hold off and let me grieve. For 2 and a half years now, T has been giving me the experience with himself of listening to me, letting me grieve, letting me have my say, letting me be sad or happy or angry, and hearing me out fully. I did not have that in my marriage and it has been healing to have a man--my therapist--give me those things in therapy. But the experience of just one time having this granted to me in an interaction with my H was far more powerful then anything T could do on his own. Like a thousand times more powerful and healing. To have my H wait and hear me out and allow me my feelings was like cutting a thousand neural pathways in one fell swoop, and laying down a new track immediately. I can't think of anything that my T has ever done that was more therapeutic than when he raised his hand to my H and told him not to say anything and to wait for sunny to grieve. This is one of those moments from therapy that I will probably not forget.

I feel that because of this one moment in the couples session, I now have no further need to meet with H in additional couples sessions. I've got what I was looking for and what I needed. I think T and I can do the rest on our own.

I think I also understand now the power of psychodrama because it attempts to recreate interactions with the original people (through actors) rather than letting the T be the modern day proxy. I understand now why my T has said psychodrama is a quick healing technique (although now he uses EMDR preferentially, which he says is even faster).