Wow... I'm glad I'm not alone in this. I find home meetings don't trigger me nearly as bad. I don't know why exactly. How have you done since being back in church?

I also wanted to add... Yesterday I had a little revelation about why I feel trapped in church, yet am drawn to go to church. It's kinda like a sticky trap. I long for the intimacy and community that church promises... butthe responsibility to serve, give, and sacrifice that it takes to be part of "the family"... well... I'm just not excited about doing that anymore. So when there is some kind of command or manipulation from the pulpit, it sets off my major red alert alarms. My therapist has challenged me to go and participate and get relationally involved without giving into the compulsion to sacrifice for the church. I'm not sure I'm making sense... it's kind of new stuff and I don't have it fully articulated. Thanks for responding somebody. It's great to know we are not alone, eh?