My son went through a shoplifting stage at the age of about 5. He took lollies and hid them in his room. Now I was a vigilant mother but I missed this one. I found them and confronted my son. He admitted to taking them. I told him how wrong it was and made him come to the store, apologise to the shopkeeper and pay for what he had taken. He cried, said he was sorry and that was that. About a month later I found more lollies from a different shop. I was worried, single mother and unsure how to handle it, so I rang a policeman friend of mine and he said he would visit. I did not tell my son.

Later that day, my friend showed up in a marked car in full uniform. My son went absolutely berserk. He thought he was going to jail. While my heart was breaking at his distress, I told him that the shopkeepers had probably rung him because what he was doing was breaking the law and they were sick of their stuff being taken. My friend was very gentle with my son and explained it to him while my son hid under the bed crying for me. In the end he calmed down and listened. He never did it again and has a healthy respect for the law.

Now was that trauma? yes. Was it discipline? yes. Was it abusive? maybe. Bu the outcome was positive without physical means. But abuse can come in many forms. I did not smack my son, hit him over the head with whatever was closest, stuck him in a cupboard or starved him as punishment as I copped as child. I wanted to teach him a lesson that he would take through life and that is consequence. I did not do it out of anger, I did it out of deep concern and desperation. I did what I thought was right. As we all do. Not all seemingly negligent, abusive parents are axe wielding murderers.

So where does discipline cross the line? When are we allowed to be parents and not be questioned every second of the way? Those children would have been more traumatised by their mother going to jail for the night than being asked to get out of the car and walk home. I believe I might not have handled it that way but I am hypervigilant. Who am I to judge someone who isn't me? Lets ask the mother, are you alright? What amount of frustration and anger led you to this decision? Are there terrible things going on in your life? How can we help you help your kids so you can COPE better and don't need to kick them out of the car so you don't rip all your hair out?

THATS the issue..........supporting the parents to support the child. IMO, that is not abuse........not where I come from. I wish my mother had only asked me to get out of the car and walk home if I was driving her mad.......not pull me across the floor by my hair and tell me she wished she had an abortion. Yeah, sorry, shes great compared to that.