What does your T do during your couples sessions when this happens? Is what he does helpful? Do you need more support or intervention from your T during the couples sessions? Your time in couples sessions can be used to show your T your typical ways of interacting together. Then he can analyze them and make recommendations and steer the two of you down healthier paths. Easier said then done, I know! But your couples T is there to help. Are you and your H deliberately having arguments in therapy so your T can help you with how to do that? (My H and I never argued so I wouldn't even know how to do that, but I think it's probably a good thing to know?)

Another comment, and maybe this is just coming from my "no conflict" loving self: it seems there is a lot of talk about "winning" and "arguing" and "defending yourself" in your post. Why do you have to do that? Why do you have to win, why does your H have to win? Can there be a middle path or compromise? Why do you have to be defending yourself? Is your H attacking you in session? It sounds really stressful. Is there a way to find some common ground and shared goals and build from there? I know couples work is so very hard....

Is that something you could work on in an individual session with this T? Could he help you with coping skills so you can stay present better during confrontation?