Sannah,

My childhood was terrible. I had an abusive older brother, a neglectful and depressed mother and an alcoholic father. My parents did not know anything but physical punishment. So, I have no role models to follow and did not learn good parenting in my home. My husband on the other hand, my son's stepfather, had a wonderful mother and father and a great childhood. He has helped me to be more patient and more understanding but he said he respected his parents because he loved them so much. I respected my parents because I feared them. DS doesn't seem like he loves or fears us (I don't want him to fear us but I'm making a point here.) How else do you teach respect? I respect him and always try to treat him like an adult and not like a child, at least I think I do.

I really try to give him his autonomy and teach him independence but I have issues with compulsive/obsessive worrying as well. I often find myself saying "Don't do that..." because I am worried he will hurt himself or break something or...blah blah. I can't stop worrying, I have tried. So he might take a lot of that as needing direction. Sometimes I feel like I should walk around with a gag in my mouth and I would be a much better mother. With everyone else, I can monitor what I am saying and think twice. With him its so hard for some reason. I just blurt out whatever comes to mind.

As for modeling, I really don't know. Neither my husband or I are very good at being playful with him. I don't know how to play with a kid, I grew up at a very young age. And he has no brothers or sisters and no friends either really.

Uglykidjoe,

We are not the only ones. I have googled it and there are a lot of moms out there at their wit's end. I can say with some positivity that my son's temper tantrums have improved greatly since last year when his father left. He used to hit and bite and punch and kick and leave me bruised and bloodied. He no longer does that. Its ok to admit that its hard. Its also not good that your mother is defending her. Adults need to show a unified front, at least I think so. But then I obviously don't know much. Good luck.