dear beads,

so sorry things are that bad right now, it is NOT your fault. me and my pixies have been in counseling for 14 years and we are just now re-finding our backbone.

mary, if i had tried to use my "backbone" as a kid they might have killed me. they would have beaten me more and done more cruel things. i was the youngest and i had NO power at all. SO surviving was the best and strongest thing i could do and I DID IT and SO DID YOU. survival is everything sweetie.

my spouse is like your don in that he doesn't listen and doesn't want to know how i feel or how i am. so i am learning to let God love me and help me and "emotionally" divorce myself from the guy i married when he is being cold, distant or unkind.

i am sorry things are so difficult for you and your alters. it is NOT your fault.

my mom told me she used 3 forms of birth control trying not to have any more kids and she got me and was not happy about that at all. she went through the sra stuff too and was totally messed up and very abusive and angry. growing up with those people was terrible many times - but i survived and bit by bit I AM healing.

my backbone is straightening up and getting stronger as my emotions heal and i find the truth that God loves me and THERE IS NO ONE BETTER THAN ME. that is not meant to be a prideful remark, it is the truth that God considers me as good as anyone else. it is time now for me to own the truth that i matter and i have value and i am on the earth for a good reason and bead/mary so are you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i am having a good week and i wish i could send the good to you through cyberspace. i wish i could share the joy and peace i have today. many times i've written in when i felt despair and did not see how i was going to make it and i am ok now, for today and i believe that healing can come to you too, i pray that it will come and you will rediscover your backbone and find some healing and peace. gentle hugs sweetie,

leslie and her pixies