i know what you mean. But we're not just the children we once were we're more. We did survive then and we continue to survive. i'm just as terrified and, at the same time puzzled at myself. Given what i know to have happened, how can i still be afraid of what's to come? Why do i continue to go through doubt, proving to myself, reproving to myself what i know to be true while again, wondering if i'm just overly imaginative or impressionable. The things that happened to me no one wants to believe, including myself i suppose.

Anyway, i don't have the answer to how we will get through it. i do understand, i think, that we need to know in order to be whole. i respect my parts even as i dread some of their attributes. Learning to embrace every aspect of myself is very very hard. That respect makes it hard for me to envision "integration" yet i also believe that doesn't mean they disappear...they just cooperate seamlessly. i feel like i'm rambling here.

Hang in there bead, beads, beady, beadlady, mary of beads and everyone else i have yet to meet and i'll hang in there too.