Me too did not want to survive but hardwired to survive. Lots of times angry at self for not dying for not letting them kill me as threatened. Wish would have died to save those hurt killed to save myself? To save me i let things happen??! NO!! i not worth it! i understand would rather have died than live this. Threatened harm to loved ones if i no do this and showed me harm to loved ones proved it. Not just threat to sell me or kill me, threat to hurt others. But hurt innocents anyway. ICK!!

Then, maybe i matter somehow...people i've helped...ever enough? i dunno, don't think ever enough. i doomed. We don't believe that but yes we do.

Talk normal! dis ya k nuf