I have been aware that I have alters since I was about twelve.

I always became "someone else" when I was little but never thought anything of it. I guess thats the nature of DID. As I got older though, I would be a different alter whenever something bad was happening, which was constant... I have "sets" of alters who are aware of eachother and can hear eachother, but these "sets" have changed throughout my adolecence.

I started actually hearing some of my alters talking to me when I was sixteen, or, at least, me as in Edgar. I was created or "split off" around this time. And I struggled for about three years trying to understand why I had "other personalities" I really thought I was going crazy.

Once I learned that people develop DID as a coping mechanism for avoiding the pain and mental damage abuse and trauma causes children, I felt less "crazy" and I started to accept it.

Then I looked back and realised I didnt just have the three or four alters I had been aware of, but that I had close to, probably over (including littles which Im currently trying to uncovor and understand) thirty alters.

The ones I have been aware of most are my adolecent and adult aged alters.

I always had child alters, I knew that, but didnt really understand it too well. I had one friend who was interested in helping me understand what was happening to me, and whenever I regressed into a child part, she would just call it "Baby".

But I realised I had different child parts, not just one. I was very aware of their separateness as individuals, and soon they had names.

Sacha, is a troublemaker, who pushes everyones buttons. "Edger" is the little version of me, I guess. He was always "I take blame, its my fault" and I had many others, protector child parts, and stuff...

I've always known their names, (though I used to actually deny that I had other parts, and whatever part was out, convinced themself "its only me, just me, that other 'me' is gone, i think this denial was another form of mental protection. To protect the old alters from thinking they had failed at their job.) I've known their preferences and what to expect when they're out, since they all deal with life and its difficulties in very different ways.

Im sad that they had to endure confusion and pain and anger. But I am glad that not one of us had to do it alone.

We all work together and dont deny eachother's being, just because it used to make us feel "crazy". We all understand why we're here and why we do what we do and that makes living much less confusing.

Before I understood DID though, I had absolutely no clue why I was so strange and thought I must be the only person in the world who does this.

I'm glad that isnt the case. I'm glad it means I'm protected. I'm glad it means my brain did what it needed to do to keep me safe in my mind.

I'm glad I'm not alone in this.

-Edgar of TBC