I perhaps found this topic today because I needed it! I'm struggling with my 13 year old daughter and feel most of the time like I'm getting it all wrong. Even though I've struggled greatly over the years with depression, psychosis, and mood swings, she seemed to turn out fairly well I thought. I know that because of my history I have not been the greatest parent and unfortunatley her father has not been around that much and has his own struggles. He's been living with us now for the past 10 months but doesn't contribute financially to the household, which was our original agreement, and so I become frustrated, yell, act out, and respond negatively which is wrong and she obviously objects to. I'm sure it has taken its toll on her! It doesn't help that he undermines me at every turn so I know that is a different set of issues that I am trying to resolve.

I, too, never really learned how to play because I had to be an adult at an early age. I, too, never learned what proper discipline was and have made many mistakes in that area. Her father, however, had a different upbringing and seemingly represents a softer side and she, therefore, gravitates to him and that softer side.

I remember reading a post on here lately about letting go of guilt and shame and so I'm trying to do that. In the meantime, I have a daughter who seemingly has no respect for me and I'm sure that is all my fault. She seems to be challenging me in all areas of her life and pushing me away at the same time. There are days when I can handle that, and then there are days when I take it very personally and sink further into depressioin. I have tried counseling but she will not open up to the counselors. I'm not sure what else to do at this point. I try to talk to her about things but she is just distant or looks at her father and rolls her eyes... I try to get her to play games or something and she refuses. It seems that the only time that she is interested in talking to me is when she wants some money for something, wants to go to the store, or wants something to eat, other than that I cannot seem to reach her.

Her grades have been dropping, she is lying a lot about schoolwork and things, and has been getting detentions. It seems to be a cycle that no amount of taking away priviledges can stop. I wish that I could reach her and I want to be a better parent but am unsure as to what my next steps should be.

Thank you for the post because you are not a bad mother, but a concerned one. I only wish I had the parenting skills that you have.

TJ