As my therapist said, "What isn't a part of personality?"

His behavior is entirely his responsibility, as it is for anyone.
Whether you choose to accept this kind of a relationship that includes hurtful words, is about what you choose for you. You may understand where his behavior comes from, but you don't have to subject yourself to it or accept it or let the diagnosis be an excuse for it so that you end up condoning it.

From what you wrote, he is controlling and blaming and not taking personal responsibility. He won't feel any need to change his behavior if it isn't about him.
His behavior is classic abuser. I hope you are discussing this with your therapist to see why you are willing to be treated this way. That part of it is about you.