I hear you, don't blame you at al for anger, fear , any of it! And that's something you can tell both the old T and the new T! They must realize how difficult this is!
I lost my T of 10 years, last year. Devastated. We argued, ended badly, never wanted it to end. New T is nice, very nice, but I will never forget. things like this really suck! but what can we do? If we, any of us, want to get better, we need to figure out how to keep it about us and not the ones that will not be forever. Sad for you. I'm trying, but only as hard as I feel I can. I will think of you tomorrow and send calm, caring thoughts. Let us know how it goes, if you can, when you can.