I am so scared but I need support. I am having issues with accepting what is happening and all the noise in my head. I cannot take it and not knowing when one does something that I do not know about and would not want them to do.

This is very hard for me and it is driving me insane. I cried all day the other day. At my t's office, I could not stop crying, nor could I breath. I wanted to hurt and the noise in my head was so loud that it gave me a headache no med could stop. And the pressure on my eyes was so bad from so many trying to see out I cannot explain the pain.

I do not know what to do and it hurts more than one can explain. Sometimes wanting to know sometimes not. Knowing some not knowing others. I did not ask for this and I do not understand it all. I know it is something I did as a child to survive, but I am confused. To me they are seperate, they are seperate from me. They have always been--that is how it is to me.

I don't understand any other way. I am scared and confused, and just want some quiet for even a moment. Sometimes it gets quiet but not often--and the times it gets quiet I wonder what is coming next?

dps