I agree - focus on today and go beyond the past. We tend to always look for reasons to justify why we feel bad about something. Instead, I would recommend simply focusing on the positive and moving forward from them. It sounds like you have accepted what happened to you in the past - that is great! But, you are still dwelling too much on it (excuse me if I am incorrect in this perspective but this medium does not allow for real time communication where my comment might be different). I beat depression - or at least it feels that way over 15 years ago and I could remember the beginning of my healing path: One day I wonder why I felt so jealous and weak. For what? I realized that those feelings were ugly and nasty and they where in connection with actions that I could not control. I realized that the only person that I could control was me and that the best thing I could do was just focus on myself and build from there. Life has not been greater since! I must say, however, it was not an overnight success. It took me about 4 years of constantly working at myself and pushing away negativity or persons that were negative away from me and only surrounded myself with those that loved, cared and wanted me.