I'm struggling with this situation (on my own) for a while now. Pretty good family life, but my wife and I haven't really been too sexual overall since early-on. Right now, I'm trying to figure out a way to talk to her about it - but at this point, it's once a year for us and I'm not too sure it's going to change.

She did have a total hysterectomy back in summer 2005. We had a moderate to good sex life at the time but the lack of hormones now have her pretty much uninterested. She also put on weight (as I did) and so she ends the day with back problems, feeling wiped out, etc. I've kind of given up on my body personally - I had dropped a lot of weight, felt great but a year ago, just started eating again and gained back the 40-lbs I had lost and then added 10-more.

Affairs do take a big toll on a relationship. I've mentioned mine in other threads here (was in 2004) and we got through that with lots of effort. But there definitely lingers some unspoken "stuff" now that I can sense with her. My affair was partly due to the same issues you mentioned. Lack of intimacy, lack of "connecting" between us, different people overall. The hard part of the affair for me is the woman I met was almost my exact duplicate - kind of like what some call a "soul-mate". I learned a lot about myself and life during that time and I think it helped me grow personally.

I guess the answer is to talk about it (for you and for me too). We have to face the issue, talk to the significant-other and find out if it can change, or not. Be prepared for it not to change, but maybe it can. Don't freak out if he says "well, we're good the way it is". It's a negative prediction, I know, but I think everyone needs to look at multiple outcomes and think about how you'll feel either way. Sure, we can live "reactionary" and just follow the outcome that does occur - but I'm someone who likes to imagine all possible outcomes even if they are sometimes far-fetched. (That does mess with my mind my sometimes when I do that.)