Hi 4ever,

I've been there and got the tshirt for this one.

The thing I notice in your post is that you have found yourself obsessing and that it happens immediately on waking. When I was in that position (and it was horrible) I had to work to get myself out of the story and into the present moment.

The fact is that you are obsessing in the present moment. In a way it doesn't matter what your story is, it could be anything, what matters is that you are obsessing or what I call 'looping' in the present.

There are plenty of people who have had bad relationships, and have hurt a load of people maybe, and they are not looping over it. IMHO the illness makes your story into a nightmare and then beats you with it. It is the illness that is doing this, it is the depression talking. Once we are aware of what's happening we can start to change it.

It doesn't matter how bad your story is, if you could stop looping tomorrow and go out into the world with a clean slate and a mind at peace, good things would happen. It's hard to believe, I know this, but it really is true.

4ever, it was a slow process for me, and I spent years in this kind of desert, but you can get through it and make something good. It really is never too late.

Good (non looping) thoughts to you.

Myzen