Thanks to all of you for your help. That is the best thing about PC, there are so many wise and caring people who can help you see more clearly.

Phoenix asked an integrative therapist writing that one's "life scripts" (also known as core beliefs, if I understand it rightly) are reflected in one's fantasies. I made a list and didn't like what I saw, not at all. And yes, this is something I need to address with T, tomorrow in fact, and I'm scared stiff at the prospect.