She doesn't care, or even want to try caring.
I had a crap weekend. It was really, really crap. Saturday wasn't so bad, but yesterday my luck just ran out completely. :-(
First, Charlene and Tash waltzed in my room JUST after I'd been bawling my eyes out, after finding some stuff in my room that I'd written from when I was 10+ I'll go into that in a min.
But yeah, they just waltzed in,I had JUST cleaned and tidied my room, spent 6 hours wiping down every surface, tidying everything away and throwing out stuff that I didn't need, being ruthless, when they came in. Tash started smoking, Charlene moved important stuff that was on my bed to sit on it and I said "That's important stuff there, I need it there." So she got in a huff and moved it back "There, you happy now??? F--k sake. F--king D-ckhead."
"Heh. You callin' ME a d-ckhead?"
"Yep"
"You can get your sorry little *** out of my room now."
"Um. Nah. Make me"
Cheeky little sod! So after a while, it was silent and her and Tash left. Grrrr. I'd burned lavendar candles and incense to make my room smeel nice as well, now it just smells of stale cigarette smoke. Ugh. Just shows how little respect people have for me.
THEN I put my washing on and the machines have locks on the doors, only the one on the tumble drier is broken. Karis had her washing in the drier before mine and it was sat waiting for her to get it for at least an hour. So I put my washing in the drier and when she came down to get her stuff (I'd set a timer on my phone for when it finished so I don't check on it), she opened the door of the tumble drier and left it. So now, I have soaking wet clothes and no tokens to dry them!!!! GRRRRRR
why the hell do people want to make my life such hell?? I'd have much rathered her carrying out her threat of smashing my face in than make me wear wet clothes, or find old ones that are ripped.
Sigh. I'm sick of it. And it's mine and Connor's 3 year anniversary today, but his parents won't let him see me "do it another day" heh. Move our anniversary to another day??? Pff.
Yeah... The stuff I wrote when I was 10+... All about my feelings... I was so strong, the words were so powerful and strength showed in every word I wrote.. One line read...
"I will NOT let this change my life... I won't let THEM affect my life anymore. I've done it for too long. They can't get to me anymore..."
Heh. If only I could think and write like that now, eh?
I was reading about how I wasn't eating, about the fact that my hair was falling out because of stress, the fact I was surviving on a piece of toast or 2 every day... That was me??? At 10 years of age?
They didn't care, just told me to get a life. I had more of a life than they did, me thinks. Just wish it had been happier in the beginning.
I just. Hm. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't see anyone anymore. I'm hiding away because I'm scared of people now. I don't want to keep being hurt, so I hide myself away... I have no reason to see these people and none of them care that I look like crap and that I say to them "I don't want anything to eat" the only reason Charlene got annoyed about it was because she wanted someone to cook the food for her. Pff. Lazy cow.
I'm fed up