i know this is probably not what you want to hear and given your situation i can understand why you would be skeptical to it, but cooperating with police/trusted adults/therapist/doctor etc and telling is ultimately what breaks the cycle of abuse.

it's not easy, it's unfair, but it's needed. i know the crippling feeling of helplessness and feeling like it's impossible to tell, impossible to show someone or write it down. but you need to push past that fear and break the silence, breaking the silence is what makes them go away, it's what makes you safer. suffering in silence isn't going to make things go away, i learned that the bad way.

and you have yourself to live for- don't forget that. you're a bright person with a bad past but you can have a bright future. YOU aren't doing anything wrong. try to avoid being alone and try to tell.

not good with advice or words but here to listen and wishing you well. you're a good person.
take care.