If he truly let you do whatever you want, then you wouldn't be having this problem with getting the help & the meds you need.

If he is making you feel that you would be diappointing him by doing what you need to do to take care of yourself....that is manipulating your thinking & that is controlling.

You said "I am feeling the need for meds again and therapy, I know myself and I know the symptoms." I am sure that is true because you have been dealing with this for so many years & have been on & off meds, so you are quite aware of what you need for your own good.

I would not allow any man to manipulate my thinking to the point where I couldn't take care of myself & do what I know I need for my own health (mental or physical...there is no differenct). He is holding onto some stupid old ways of thinking "think, therefore I am" & trying to cram them into your mind & manipulate you into thinking the way he thinks (not sure how you don't see that as controlling?)......Do not let him do that to you.

There are ways of getting financial help with meds & with therapy. I know that drug companies have patient assistance especially when you don't have insurance of any kind. If you are on generic meds, then the pharmacies have really cheap programs for he meds....if you can't take the generics....sometimes Pdocs have samples they can give you until you can arrange something with the drug company & their patient assistance programs, or even some states have financial help programs.

As or college.....you wouldn't be capable of focusing on college if you aren't taking care of yourself in the first place.....so it doesn't matter if the money is there or not if you aren't able to focus & end up throwing the money away trying only to have to drop out because you aren't able to handle it without the help the medication provides.

I would make the appointment with a clinic (if money is an issue). They have sliding scale payment requirements when there is no insurance & like I said, with the meds, you might be lucky to start with samples from the pdoc unless it's generic which is cheap at the pharmacy or apply for patient assistance with the drug manufacturer.

You need to take care of yourself & if you husband doesn't agree with that, then maybe he isn't who you want to be stuck with the rest of your life....if he really loves you, he will want what is best for you & not force you to think his way only or make you feel bad about it.

This is not a the kind of base for a good marriage....it is definitely NOT LOVE.

please let us know how things go.....everyone here at PC wants what is best for you & really care,
Debbie