((((mixedup))))

I can relate to everything you've posted, and I think I am in much the same place you are. For me, I think it is the vulnerability of it all, mixed with a few trust issues. How long have you been in therapy? I have been going for about a year now, and many people have told me that it will just take more time to become comfortable, and to just try to take "little risks" in disclosure to build up confidence. Maybe this would work for you, too?