Thanks for the replies. I feel okay, not great. I should have rested all day but I didn't. Now I'm starting to panic big time, about seeing my T after so long. After reading the posts about crying in therapy, wanting to go in, look at her and cry just because I've missed her. Knowing I'll probably just sit there, and stumble over my words instead. I've tried not to "rehearse". I don't want to know what's going to happen. I'm afraid I want it to be emotional but it won't be, and then I'll be disappointed.

The problem is that therapy for me has been too much about my relationship with my T. I need to have a middle ground tomorrow. I've got to talk about my issues, but I also have to acknowledge my attachment to my T. Usually one or the other predominates. Last time I was totally "adult", talking about a particular issue. I so much want to feel connected to her, but not enough to make me miserable when I leave. It's not fair to expect so much from one session. We both know that, but of course I'm the one who has to live with the outcome.

It's like a performance to me. I want it to go perfectly, but it won't because it's real life, not a play. I've got all these strong emotions inside, but they won't come out, and they aren't even appropriate for my T. I want to stay focused and mindful, but not rigid. I don't want to recite facts. Maybe I should tell her what I posted here, right away, so she can head me in the right direction. She will tell me to relax, breathe, and slow down! She always used to tell me to slow down, and stop spinning my wheels. Okay. I'm breathing. It will be good tomorrow. It will be good tomorrow.