I'm so sorry about what happened to you ... Yes, I was sexually abused from the time of infancy. Honestly, you need help to deal with this, therapy with someone caring who will listen and help you feel safe. It is for the best, although it can be hard to make the first step. But you really need that support. And you can get support here, too. Feeling like you don't know who you are is not unusual - many of us feel or have felt that way. Please do your best to take care of yourself. sending warmth and caring.