I was scrolling through my saved emails in hopes of finding an upload email form for my photobuket account when I ran across some of the last emails from someone who was supposed to be my firend.

through out our correspondance many times they would send emails that were punishing and just hit me in the gut , LIke a pychic punch . the last ones were down right cruel . minimizing our correspondance . treating it like two students who come together for an hour and share and go home. and it got worse from there . They basically pumeld me . all the while I watched them treat others with hugs and smiles .
I can't belive it happened .
not again .

like my child hood . the father who would yell threaten punish and beat . while he would laugh and joke with the neighbors .

It must have hurt back then just as much if not more.

I shared my heart and soul with this person . I risked much .

I can't believe they treated me this way .
It still hurts.
it did hurt.

I guess its good they were still in the que of saved mail . To remind me of thier cruelty when I wish they were still my friend. When I fall back into the denile state of they are so wonderful.

I wonder if they miss my laughter, my pictures , my poems , my musings . my teasings , my appreactaion of them .My innocence in how I shared my life with them. I meant every word .

and why they couldn't see my struggle that was real and be willing to help in the same way I woud have been willing to help then if they were in the same situation. and why did they make light of it afterwards.

why did you do and say the thigs you did . but more importantly .
why did I allow you to treat me in the way you did.

Patricia