Thanks Ktgirl,

I was at a support group meeting last night and had this grin on my face that just would not stop . Just being in a place where others were opening up and listening and we joke too . I had shared how I was able to withstand certain treatment from others these past couple weeks and it just didn't get me down at all . And then this took me by surprise. I spent another hour or so crying deeply last night. I don't know why I have let this person hurt me so, effect me so ,and always has. They seem so caring and understanding but would also turn on certain people. I didn't think it would happen to me I don't know why I went back after such cruel treatment But I think your right Ktgirl I wanted to give them a chance to make it right .but they really couldn't do it.

I had reasons to not trust that were right there obvious to anyone but I refused to see them for what they were. They had all the control blocked and then approached , trying to make me be a certain way almost like training a dog . Praising me when I said something right .to thier liking, Veiwing me like I was a problem to others, Trying to get others to see what I had wrote actually saying. ", look shes can say things nicely and supportively" " I wish everyone could see this " {typed those last words )" ,And thy had the power of the group to do that. did this after having blocked me only no one knew it. The had openly announced to everyone what I had wrote in private after they blocked me only no one knew (he/she) had done that . and they did it to someone else same thing only I didn't even see it clearly untill a couple of months ago I knew it sort of . I was in denile. but it was just so in black and white I could not ignore the truth . And it REALLY Hurt then. It became undeniable . It was just out right crewlness to someone they did not really know but claimed they did. Very confusing and manipulative and controling. A dog I was treated and trained like a dog.

I guess I thought I deserved that kind of treatment . Or I just ingnored the truth and focoused on the kindness .


Hi Mixed emotions,

Instead of flee when most people would I stay . And I'm fairly certain it realates back to having to live in an abusive environment . Its a sad pattern I play out . ingnoring yet still knowing when I'm being mistreated .

I was oblivious to the physical abuse from my fatherover the years . Some how I belive it WAS myfault because I belived or felt that there WAS something wrong with me . I knew on some level that there was when my eating disorder started .So I deserved to be treated the way I was . because I was a problem .

I have just been gived the diagnosis Of ADHD , Its almost official . Even now I can't accept that it is official , Im so brain washed in another one. I can maybe shed some light on how my way of being WAS seen as I was the problem . Much of it I could not control .

based on my staying in relationships when I should not have , struggle with believeing there are people , primarily men who can treat people well consistantly . My problem is not trusting that inner sesne that says somethings wrong here.

I may alwys have them in my life and can't control when they misstreat me . All I can do is protect myself and not react .



I fell asleep exausted last night and this person was in my dreams but nothing I can remember. I am "emotinally hung over ". I don't feel so angry anymore just very hurt . I think I moving along in the grieving process as hard as it is to see the truth. I need to remember. it was very nice to see both of your supportive responses this morning.

Thank you,

Patricia