My psych nurse gave me the option of starting to wean off the Zyprexa, and left it up to me to decide. I don't know what to do.

I have gained over 60 pounds since starting it, and my blood glucose levels are high, which is a known side effect of the medication. If I go off it, there is a chance my blood glucose levels will go back to normal and I won't develop diabetes quite yet. But there's also a chance that I could still develop diabetes even if I quit taking the Zyprexa.

We have tried to wean off the Zyprexa three times, with disastrous effects. The first time, she switched me to Abilify. I had a major suicide attempt within a week. So back on the Zyprexa I went. Then we tried weaning off it in October, and I started to drift into a depression, and reverted back to some really bad habits (internet addict, sexual addict, tried contacting the man I had an affair with last year). So I told my psych nurse about all that and she put me back on the Zyprexa. Then we tried again to wean off it in late December...and within a week, I lost my job. I lost it because I was taking too much sick leave because I was so deep in depression I couldn't drag my *** out of bed to get to work in the mornings.

So, on one hand, I really want to get off the Zyprexa because of the weight gain and glucose issues. I just feel like it is threatening my health. But then I'm scared.

I have been doing really good the past 5 months, very stable. No depression. Starting to see the light. So maybe I'm stable enough now that it won't be a catastrophe. How do I know?

What do you think? Should I go off it and see what happens? Or continue taking it?