I know. I have waaaayyy too much going through my head at the moment.

I do actually read and do my sewing just before I sleep, it does nothing for me apart from me getting aggravated when I do it wrong because I'm so tired and have no concentration. Sigh. I always have music on and have to sleep with a light on because of the rapes and such. I don't feel safe otherwise. My door's always locked at night now, again ever since the rapes and such.

It's horrible. I've tried everything.

I met up with Connor for half an hour or so just now and he bought me food... Again... He got me to eat it because he caught on that I hadn't eaten in almost 3 days... I confessed to it after a while of trying to cover up

So... I'm back to eating 100 calories again, just to make him and my friends happy. I feel worse than I did when I wasn't eating. I feel weak, tired, my stomach aches and I feel sick from eating less than half a pastry and want to OD again to get rid of it... But I won't, for Georgie... Because she's coming over on Friday and I don't want to be ill when she's here. I just feel like getting incredibly drunk instead. But I won't do that either because I have no alcohol and no money to get any.

I've been in bed most of the day and sorted out my sewing that I messed up, so that was a bit of an achievement and I'm hapy abotu that because I have now finished the flower and the butterfly's body, just have the wing left to do But yeah, just been weak and tired, so stayed in bed trying to sleep, which didn't happen no matter what I did...

But I guess... I don't know.. Things could be better, but they're okay compared to how they have been. My friend, Craig, alongside Connor, didn't get mad about me not eating. They both said they're not surprised with all the stress I've been under, but Connor begged me to eat. I just feel like crying