Oh dear, you're not in a good place right now are you? Here are some hugs for the time being:

Please try not to give up hope. Just because you're ill does not mean that you're hopeless. If you can't stop thinking about suicide, please, please talk to someone about it! Posting here is a good first step, but what about talking to your friends, your boyfriend, your family? If you're depressed, chances are they've noticed something different about you regardless of whether or not you've told them. If you can't talk to them, what about your local crisis hotline? I'm worried about you, please be safe. There is all kinds of help available to you, and you are not alone in this. I know it seems hard and stressful and exhausting and I won't lie -- it is all of those things -- but it's not impossible. You CAN feel better than you do right now. It's a long road but it's well worth it. YOU are worth it! Please take care of yourself, and keep us updated on how you're doing.