TB: To have no one. And literally no one. No mom no dad not much of a sister
You said you live next door to your in-laws right?
I know in the fall when BC & I had the first major fall out of our marriage I felt extremely ISOLATED & alone. We live very close to all of her family & I feel alot of times they only tolerate me because I'm with their daughter or sister. It is frustrating to not have any one who "is in your corner" so to speak. Not to just simply agree with you, but someone who puts your feelings & point of view first in their in put.

and a grandma who thinks depession is the 'devil working".
Ohh great, straight out of the mother from the Water Boy, huh?
Ignore her as best you can her in put is meaningless don't allow her views & opinion to control you...it's a waste of oxygen

I hate living in this situation.
If you truely hate the situation...then things MUST change for you. Don't keep trying to solve the same equation, the same way if the answer is wrong

i can not stand it when no one understands me.
Me either, this feeling sucks
When I get yelled at it makes my anger anxiety and depression worse.
This is a logical feeling here. Yelling doesn't solve anything. Does the yelling happen often?

It makes me feel like a piece of Sh---t like I am worthless becuse I am not good enough to be a good wife.
Yeah, yelling does do that to people. I'm assuming the yelling is when the terms ****** & selfish come out. I personally seperate these two criticisms. The B-word never serves anything constructive....Selfish can depending on the situation if it's an honest feeling & not being said while YELLING or repetively just to make you feel bad...My question here would be is what specific actions does he consider selfish? If it does not come with concrete examples it's nothing more than a hollow insult.

Makes me want to do stupid **** like leave for days and just get high again.
Leaving for a few days is not a bad thing but leaving & getting high is. If you left for a few days make it productive. Really think about where your life is & what you want out of it. This can be done much easier with a clear mind. All getting high will do is temporairily dull the pain & give them the ammo they are looking for to say "told ya so"

What is so wrong with me that every one has either grown to hate me or has abandoned me.

I've been abandoned alot in my life...it's never once had anything to do with me but I understand that doesn't stop you from feeling like that.

I'm assuming you are specifically refering to your parents, sister, husband & in-laws. Which can all have different reasons, excuses or short comings in themselves that result in them abandoning you.

I recall there was child hood sex abuse in your family right? If my memory is incorrect I appologize...my meds are wearing off

I am truly alone. No one to go to No one to talk to.Id o the best I can and that ain't good enough for him.
Is this repeatedly going on or is it a one time blow up? I know a couple weeks ago it seemed things were o.k.
Nothing.

Just a random idea & if you are truely against this that's cool, I'm not judging...have you ever tried rehab? I say that because if you go through an in patient facility...you can be clean, which will clear your head to think about your life & what you want plus once you enter there, their consern is getting YOU well, not him.

Then you can get a way for a bit & they can't see that as "bad" or "running off"

Just a thought,

LK