View Single Post
 
Old May 06, 2009, 07:38 AM
che170 che170 is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Apr 2009
Posts: 40
Quote:
Originally Posted by Berries View Post
i have Bipolar and I have never been an abusive partner. i also know other bipolars who have not been abusive their partners.

Your partner has bipolar and that makes everything more difficult, but it is not why he is abusing you. He is abusing you because he is abusing you.

You need to draw a line and make some boundaries and requirements for this relationship and expect him to make some major changes and comply with those boundaries and requirements.

If in fact, his bipolar makes it impossible for him to change then he should not be in a relationship. Some people can't work because of BP, some can't be parents because of the BP and some people can't be in intimate relationships because of their BP. It is sad and horrible but in my opinion TRUE. Please keep posting and letting us know how you are doing?


Thanks Berries for putting it into perspective. It's so hard because I truly love him. Two weeks ago he finally went to a new doc and was put on mood stabilizers. In many ways they seem to help, they only area we still have problems is when i need him to understand something I may be going through, he can get very defensive and angry. I never speak to him like it's his fault, I only tell him what is hurting me and ask for his understanding. I just feel everything and everyone is more important. He can be very loving, but in a situation where I found him on a website looking to have an affair, then a week later he says he doesn't desire me as much anymore, it hurts. What he said was in the heat of an argument, but none the less, it still hurts. We aren't as intimate as we once were and i try to let it go, but after a while the hurt surfaces and I need to talk to him. That's when he gets angry. We go on for a while, everything is great, but when I try to tell him how I feel, he sees this as me making it go wrong, and then the anger and hurtful words come out. is it too much to want him to be there for me once in a while? I'm asking seriously because maybe i'm asking something he isn't capable of giving. He was married once for only a few years, but has been divorced for 15. He was engaged once, but that relationship lasted for only a year. I beleive you are right, he is able to work when he is up or depressed, but he never did have any children. As for the relationships, it seems this one is lasting longer, I would like to think because I understand and support him in every way possible. I'm hoping with the new meds and continued therapy he will be able to have a better understanding of where I am coming from. Again, maybe I'm asking him to give me something he's not able to do and that hurts because I love him and I'm doing everything in my power to make this work.