You know, I'm starting to come to similar conclusions as curlq and kitty. I'm also thinking that this is a one-sided view of the situation, and a distraught one at that. But, if she did all these things as you say, and has behaved this way, then she does sound pretty immature, and you deserve better than that.

I like to think that sometimes things happen for a reason. I don't know if this would help or hurt, but what if you thought of this whole breakup situation this way: you were engaged. You could have been married to her (to me, a sacred act), and this breakup could have occurred while married. I think this is one of those blessings in disguise. Sure, you can think "I'm not getting any younger." But, we all are, and with age comes wisdom (or so they say...)

You're right. It's "basic respect, responsibility, and maturity." I also agree with curlq that love can be blind. It can give us those rose-colored glasses. Sure, there are problems, but we're so certain that all that's good about being in love will seem greater than any obstacle, that we may downplay those problems. Those seem to be the things in a relationship that will come back and bite you in the butt.

Finally, or maybe not, I have this to say about having friends. I spent over 15 years working with virtually the same people, primarily women, in this one department at this company for which I've worked for almost all my adult life (well, up to this point). Almost all are either married or in long-term relationships. In all those years, I can probably count on one hand the number of times I did anything with anyone outside of work. There were a couple group things (baby showers or weddings), and a couple times, I hooked up with other single co-workers (female): once, for a cruise (also was a group thing with her friends that didn't work for our company) and a few other times, I went shopping with them. It was not for my lack of trying. I consistently asked others if they wanted to do something (go shopping, see movies, etc.), and they may seem interested, but their own lives were plenty full without me in it. So, for the longest time, I was miserable, severely depressed and felt like I would be alone forever. And I actually felt that way up until about a little over a year ago. What changed? New department, with new people, and this time mostly male. I still see my other friends, but my "new friends" ask me to go out after work to have a couple drinks (in a group, but usually only 3 or 4 show up). Yesterday, for the first time, I went to this other developer's house where 4 of us "computer nerds" played a 3-D game on a LAN. A couple years ago, I would never have done that. What changed? Most certainly I have changed enough so that people want to spend time with me, or at least that's what I think, but also I have found a group of people that I have a better fit with. It's the total opposite from the group I spent so many years with: male programmers vs. female artists. Who'd have thought?

Okay, I know. It's too late to make a long story short (sorry). But, I guess what I wanted to say is this: it is possible to have "local" friends. Also, like curlyq or kitty said (I forget -- can't see the other posts): take care of yourself first. We have to take care of ourselves first, so we can be there for ourselves as well as others.

Do you still have your cat, Max? Have you been doing any of the things that you say you enjoy, like woodworking, refinishing furniture, going antiquing, bicycling, hiking? (I went hiking last weekend with my digital camera. I didn't take too many pictures, but I did realize that I can't walk uphill on pine needles in sneakers with no tread!) Or have you been watching too much TV?

Okay, I've broken one of my rules: not to write too much. But, after conversing with you during the past five years, (ever since the good old days of Mental Help Net (I liked the "houses") and Psych Central on the Web Chat Broadcasting System), I feel like I can say that, during the past 5 years, you have always come across as a kind and generous person, and you certainly deserve the same.

Okay, enough for now. Using capital letters is tiring

Take care, get yourself to (pronounced FAN-yel for those who don't know), take a <A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.bostonducktours.com/pages/main.html>Boston Duck Tour if you haven't before, take a swan boat ride (at the , or take in any of the other <A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.theinsider.com/Boston/Fun/Fun.htm>Fun Things to Do In Boston.

Take care,

splash
(normally not an uppercase poster )