Quote:
Originally Posted by Miri
You can talk funny and still use big words because older alters often help younger alters with writing! i know that makes a person wonder if we might be "fakin it" but I've read about this and it makes sense, so can you let go of that worry?
MeSo, if this therapist confounds you ... I think you know what I'm going to say. I'm not saying a person should walk out after therpy feeling better each session, because no, it's hard stuff we're dealing with, but if you're feeling badly about the therapist rather than the therapy ... you see the difference? Your wise self knows! Trust that part of you and if it says move on, then i hope you give yourself that gift sooner rather than later.  |
Thank you Miri. You always say such wise things. i do get so tired of the constant see-sawing. After talking to my therapist more, i think she's ok. i'm aware of some discomfort but it may be healthy discomfort. i dunno...all i can do is take it one session at a time i guess. i've had mixed experiences with therapy.
My first therapist re: child abuse was actually my daughter's behavior management specialist who also happened to work with another agency with abused children. i'm glad she was there but she didn't stay long and left at a rather crucial time. i was flooding with nightmares, an abreaction and poof she was gone.
My next therapist i saw off and on (mostly on) for about 14 years. i made some progress (greatly reduced hitting myself for "bad" thoughts) but i also feel that she was way too theoretical and talked too much. She'd make an observation then back it up with references...probably cuz she pursued her doctorate while treating me. But r.a. came up naturally through me and it took about 12 years before she offered me information on it. In some ways that's good because i was VERY cautious about not wanting to influence my memories in any way but in other ways not cuz SHEESH, 12 years! Parts had come up early on too but just was never addressed. i always had one thing or another going on and it seems like a lot of time was wasted. On the other hand (i'm ALWAYS doing this!!!) maybe i just wasn't ready.
Next i went to a therapist who specialized in r.a. and he was so matter of course re: parts and compartmentalization i felt like he skipped a whole lot. i needed to work toward the conclusion not have it handed to me. He also had a really dry sense of humor and i didn't always know if he was joking, which triggered me immensely cuz my dad was like that. One minute something was funny and the next the very same thing was beating worthy. Anyway, i just couldn't click with him but i saw him for over a year before ending things.
Then i saw a therapist who specialized in EMDR and had experience with ritual abuse. Unfortunately, the very first appointment--in her attempt to reassure me she had experience with r.a.--she detailed another client's experience with something (intentionally vague here) that was rather horrific and something i had never thought of. It was quite traumatizing to me. i only saw her maybe four more times before i quit. She kept saying we'd do art therapy, which i was excited about, but she didn't do it. She said she was uncomfortable with EMDR because i could have a violent part (F.U. lady!), and i found i couldn't stay for the whole session and even went there high once--both of which i'd NEVER done with therapy. i just couldn't trust her once she traumatized me...i just thought that was SO irresponsible of her.
So lastly, i was seeing someone at the sexual assault center and was having various dissociative reactions and experiences with parts, which i found to be encouraging. Then she flaked out and left and now i'm with the lead therapist at the center.
Man, you poor dear. i don't know why i just said all that but i'm gonna leave it. Maybe it's just my mild OCD...once i thought of the list i had to list it (rolls eyes at self).
Miri--you help me quite a bit. i'd really like to thank you for that but also hope i can somehow help you some time.
