No, I haven't been willing to look at the distant past until the last year or so. I have mentioned my childhood lightly, but I never went before age 12. My uncle in-law molested me from age 12-14. I finally told my parents and a counselor of that when I was 16. While I tried to work through the issue for years, I also continued to repress memory of incest whenever it showed it's head.

My life is a complete shambles all around me. I look back and see that I have always had major dramas happening within my life. Psychologists and medical doctors saying that I'm going through a lot - it will get better as time passses. Yet, it hasn't ever gotten better. Instead, it's gotten progressively worse over the years.

I wonder if I'm really close to solving the mystery, to who I am & what has happened to me, and that's why things continue to get worse?? It's very strange when that memory comes back again. I get a chill down my spine, breathe shallow, and I am terrified! My thoughts come so fast, I can't keep track. One thought I do continue to have is I'm horrified that I could completely forget. I question the validity ~ How could I forget, remember, forget, remember again, etc. for years and years?