Vince,
I'm sorry about the loss of your loving and faithful companion...

Please talk to your T. That telephone number was given to you so you can call and it is not imposing, otherwise you would not have it.
You are a worthwhile human being and you are going through a very difficult time. It's so very hard to feel good about yourself when so much anguish, sadness, and anger are whirling around in your mind.
People here genuinely care about you, that is obvious by the love and support they offer to you. Accepting that love when you feel so battered is so very hard to do...it means believing in the people who offer it to you.
It's not offered lightly, it is sincere and solid and good.
and most likely to cause some confusion...how can anyone love me when I'm so bad is the way I felt while starting recovery.

Healing does not come easily or quickly...all of us are proof of that...putting one foot in front of the other might be all we can manage at any given time.
It hurts and I truly am sorry, but I'm also glad in a way that you are fighting to make your life better.
Better it will be, too.
Recovery is not a race, Vince. We do it at our own pace...sometimes it's slow, other times it is not.
Crawling is still forward movement, something I did quite often. My knees were bruised from the amount of time I spent on them. They have healed as many parts of me have also healed...

Don't give up. You can do this.
You might be surprised by the number of sincere cheerleaders you have standing with you.

Catherine